How to Make a Huge Decision
Sometimes, things come along in life and we need to make a decision about them. That might not come as a surprise, at least it shouldn't because this happens almost every day, but sometimes, there are big decisions that need to be made that will affect you and your family for the rest of your life, like moving across the country for a job. Some people go through their lives having to make more one of these tough decisions than others for sure, but it is never easy no matter who is making it.
Recently, I watched from the sidelines as someone else went through this process and really struggled with it. At any point in the process, the logic can start to break down, for better or worse. No matter what I think about the decision, what matters is their process, and their final conclusion and how they live with it now. From that experience and my own in the past, here are some tips for going through those major life decisions:
1. Change is going to happen.
We are creatures of habit. Know that. Any change that happens, your mind will fight. But change is going to happen and it is going to end up just fine, so get over it. You heard me, get over it!
2. Get all the facts.
How much will it cost? Listen to all sides of the story, learn everything you need to know in order to make an informed decision. Even if that means hearing a side you don’t want to hear. You cant make the right decision if you don’t know what the wrong one is.
3. Who does it effect?
Make sure you take other people’s feelings into account. If it is a big decision in life, it definitely affects more people than just you. Talk to your family, talk to your friends, figure out how they feel about it, and make sure you listen. If your daughter doesn’t want to leave her friends to move to a different state for your job, that is understandable. You might move anyway, but you can take steps to make that transition easier for her with that in mind.
4. Know the ramifications.
Know the ramifications. Know who is going to get hurt, and why. Know the other effects. Try and keep in mind what you have now. The grass is always greener on the other side, and you will miss some things about your life now, that you don’t even realize until it's changed. Try and take a minute to think about what you have, what you want to keep, and what you want to change.
5. Who do you want to be?
A large part of this comes down to who you want to be in the future. What are your goals, but also what do you want your children and family to think of you? What do you want your life to look like? Knowing this can give some amazing clarity to these decisions.
6. Talk it out.
Separate yourself from it for a minute, and talk to yourself like you don’t know you. That might sound weird but go with it. Ask yourself questions like you are a random stranger, and see how you feel after that conversation with yourself. Even talk out loud and switch positions each time you are the other person! It can be fun if you get past the oddness of it.
7. Get advice.
Seek advice, but know when to take it and when not to take it. People are kind and amazing and will try to help you because they have been there before, or know you, but some people also might have ulterior motives. Being able to sift through the advice will be hard, so make sure you ask people that you trust.
8. Make it.
Make the decision. Stop putting it off. You have explored it from every angle and you have known what to do for quite some time now. Do it!
9. Stand strong.
Now comes the hard part. You thought it was difficult already? Ha! Now you have to stand strong in your decision. People are going to be confused and hurt and feel like they don’t matter. You can explain your case, but your mind is made and it is done. Talking more about it won't help anyone. But, if it starts to get even more difficult, remember that you made your bed and now you have to sleep in it, for better or worse.
10. You are not other people.
No-one can justify this decision for you if you start to change your mind way after it happens. You made the decision you thought was best at the time. It is that simple. You can’t look for justification. There might not be any. That might seem scary, but you have to take responsibility for your own actions. More importantly, someone else might make a different decision. It is not your job to make sure they make the same one as you. Everyone is different and every circumstance is different. They have to go through the process just like you did because again, all they have at the end of the day is their responsibility for their own actions.
It is never easy. Hopefully you have someone that can support you even if they don’t agree with you, and hopefully you have someone who can say, wait what the fuck? If you are really going down a bad path because it can be dark and twisty up in there. Either way, I hope you make the decisions that are best for you. If you do, I know it will all turn out well.
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Owner and CEO, kfons